 |
I had this picture on my computer until my wonderful
wife “nagged” me into removing it the other day. She didn’t like the way she looked and I
allowed myself to be bullied into compliance. Today, every grain of wisdom I’ve accumulated
over fifty some years is whispering “reconsider.” Regardless, my mind is made up. I’m posting it to the Internet.
This is my
current wallpaper, completely vetted and approved by my lovely soul mate. I think she likes being a little taller. Actually, she’s really just standing on a rock
and everyone needs to know it because “it’s the truth!”
I have a
good deal of firsthand experience with telling the truth. During the first few years of our marriage,
Hyesuk fastidiously ironed my clothes. However,
my good fortune suddenly ended one cold rainy day in Misawa Japan. As I was dressing for work, I made an
offhand remark, “You didn’t do a very good job ironing my uniform.” At the time, I didn’t realize the
ramifications of her instant response to my totally honest declaration. “I’ll
never iron for you again!” Twenty some
years down the road, the sincerity of her long past pronouncement is completely
understood. Now that I’ve opened a can
of worms with all this honesty, I’ve pretty much guaranteed that Hyesuk will be
opening her own can of something. Maybe, I should’ve put more thought into
keeping quiet.
Hyesuk is
much better at pragmatically deciding what should be shared and when best to
keep silent, but even she has moments of weakness. A few months back, during a relaxing dinner
out on the town, and after atypically imbibing a glass of red wine, she opened
up and shared, “Do you realize that when you get mad, you clam up and compulsively
start working? You wash the car, do the
laundry, clean the house, …” Then she leaned forward and whispered, “Do you
want to know something else?” “I
sometimes start fights just to get things done.” After well over twenty years of golden eggs,
an appropriate mourning period for Hyesuk’s deceased goose will be
observed. I’m also considering bringing home a bottle of
red wine.
I’m assuming
the gene determining the brain’s control of the tongue is passed down from the mother’s
side, because both our kids, Bobby in particular, take after their Mom. While I wasn’t able to extract a confession, Bobby’s
panicked face and wild eyes betrayed him while the TV remote was violently
microwaving. As for Laura, her earlier
possession of a grilled cheese sandwich made her the prime suspect when a
remarkably similar sandwich showed up inside the VCR. Unfortunately,
I’ve never conclusively identified the culprit(s) responsible for our greatest
unsolved household crime. I’m sure
both of them remember making “Chicken Soup” when they were little kids growing
up in Japan. They enjoyed mixing dirt,
water, leaves, grass, and anything else readily available in their red
wagon. I’d still like to know whose idea
it was to take it a step farther. Fortunately,
my smiling supervisor readily accepted, “I stuck my foot in a boot full of mud”
as a credible reason for being late.
While pleading the Fifth is understandable, keeping quiet out of concern
for another can even be admirable.
One day when
Bobby was in Kindergarten, Hyesuk sat down on the couch and closed her eyes for
a moment. When her eyes opened again,
they could see from the clock on the wall the time for picking Bobby up was
more than an hour past. She rushed to
the school in a panic and was relieved to find Bobby patiently waiting on the
steps. That evening, I asked Bobby why
he didn’t go to the office for help. He
replied, “I knew Mom would come and I didn’t want to get her in trouble.”
While I was pretty firm with him on what to do the next time, I was
secretly proud of his confidence and selfless concern for his Mom. Since it never happened again, I’ll never
know if my occasionally stubborn son would’ve ever followed my direction.
While we’re
on the subject of Kindergarten, I’d like to share another story. Our military tour in Misawa Japan ended two
weeks before Bobby was to complete Kindergarten. He was livid about not leaving. “If I don’t
finish ‘X’, ‘Y’, and ‘Z’, my future will be ruined!” Even though he’d already learned the entire
alphabet by 18 months, his Mom’s fanatical indoctrination on the importance of
education overwhelmed my feeble attempts to reason with him, “You don’t need
‘X’ and ‘Z’ at all to get by in life and missing ‘Y’ won’t hurt you very
much.” Despite Bobby’s adamant
objection, we still had to leave early.
Fortunately, he overcame adversity and will soon prove me right by graduating
from college. Regardless, he can still
keep a secret.
A couple of
months back, Bobby called me at work about going to the emergency room and the
status of his health insurance. My first
question after, “How bad are you hurt?” was “Did you tell your Mom?” After getting the answers I hoped for, “I’ll
live” and “Are you kidding?” We both
knew his Mom would be on the first plane to Hawaii if her baby had so much as a
hangnail. I let him know he he’d been
insured for two weeks and that he should probably send a thank you note to
President Obama. In keeping with my current theme of political
ambiguity, I’m not going to choose sides.
However, allowing parents to insure their kids until they are 26 makes
sense. In contrast, I cringe at the
requirements being levied on small businessmen.
Getting back to Bobby’s
predicament, I’m somewhat sorry for ratting you out Son. Hey, but I guess that’s
just the price you’re going to have to pay for keeping secrets from your Mom.
Laura can keep
quiet, but she also likes to share. One
day, when she was a very little girl, Laura whispered softly to me, “Daddy,
tell me a secret.” With little thought,
I whispered back in her tiny ear the first thing that came to mind and she ran
away giggling. Every so often over the
next few years, she’d pull me aside and ask, “What’s our secret?” and I’d
gladly oblige in continuing our sweet ritual.
When asked last Christmas, Laura still remembered our game, but also
shared she’d never really been all that impressed with the actual secret. I considered letting everyone make their own
judgment by revealing it today, but truthfully it isn’t something I’m ready to
let it go. Besides, I’m about to divulge
considerably more interesting information.
During a
phone conversation several weeks back, Laura asked, “Has Bobby told you
anything about getting hit by a car on his skateboard?” I didn’t know anything about a car. From our short emergency room conversation, I
knew he had an accident and was scrapped up pretty good, but we never got
around to discussing how it actually happened.
Bobby rides a long skateboard for transportation and also races down
steep inclines at high rates of speed for recreation. I just assumed he took a fall doing the
latter. Regardless, I’m sure Bobby’s Mom
will collect any other relevant details I neglected to gather. Laura also casually mentioned she saw Bobby’s
friends pushing his truck to get it going.
This I knew about. Bobby went to
the junk yard to get a new starter.
After watching a video on YouTube, he successfully accomplished the
installation and pocketed the savings for more meaningful uses. I was so proud! Then she suggested I ask Bobby about his Espresso
machine. Talk about strange, I just
finished the last sentence and Laura called.
Not only was
the timing of Laura’s call extremely eerie, but the ensuing conversation handed
me (and probably Bobby) a much welcome “Get out of Jail Free Card” and necessitated
a significant change to my outline. I
originally planned to deflect some of Hyesuk’s potential rage by reminding her
of one of Laura’s blog postings.
Laura knows how to push her Mom’s buttons and has
a knack for capturing her response in photographs and video. I wonder if Laura suffered any emotional
scars over being hit with a cardboard tube?
I also wonder what Hyesuk’s response to the next paragraph will be?
On the phone, Laura told me she was considering
bringing a young man with her to Korea this summer and wanted to know if I had any
problem with it. Of course I have a
problem! South Korea doesn’t have the right
to bear arms and I’ll be robbed of the opportunity to perform the traditional
cleaning of the firearms as he walks in the door. On the other hand, I do have a friend who
owns a vintage polygraph machine.
Actually, I know I don’t have to protect Laura. She is her Mother’s daughter and can take
care of herself. Regardless, I’m always
available if needed. Laura promised me a
photo and I would’ve liked to include it in this posting. On the other hand (if necessary) I can always
tell Hyesuk, “I’ll let you see the picture when you start acting amicably towards
me again.” :)
I’ve told
the truth, I’ve kept and shared secrets, and I’m now ready to make my closing arguments
to a trusted jury of family and friends.
Take a
closer look at the picture through my eyes.
One gaze and I travel back to a relaxing vacation in a cabin on the
beach in Hawaii. I see a night owl who reluctantly
crawled out of her cozy bed to watch the sunrise with her early bird
husband. I smell the sweet aroma of
coffee and feel the warmth of the cup. I
hear the surf lapping against the shore and pleasant conversation on a
leisurely stroll down a secluded beach.
Most importantly, I feel her overwhelming presence and see the ever
present spark in her eyes. I truly love
this picture and hope she’ll see it anew.
After
casting all this bread on the water, I’ll sit here anxiously awaiting its
return. Will Bobby be aggravated with me
for spilling the beans about his accident, or will he be preoccupied with his
Mom? Will conflict arise over the little
tidbits Laura shared and I disclosed? Will I have to use my “Get of Jail Free photo?
“ What will happen if I tell Hyesuk, “You didn’t do a very good job shopping
today?” Most importantly, will my words
bring back aggravation or affection from Hyesuk? Right now, it’s too close to call so I’m
preparing for both. I’ve already cleaned
the house, washed the car and finished the laundry.
No comments:
Post a Comment