Would our Founding Fathers Take a Knee?

Thomas Jefferson came to me in a dream last night, imploring me to buy a ticket for an NFL football game.  He told me to jump down on the field during the national anthem, fall to both knees, bow my head with both hands clasped tightly together and fervently pray to God for our country to turn from her wicked ways and to heal our land.

Shocked and taken somewhat aback by his request, I guardedly asked President Jefferson if he was coming to me from Heaven or Hell.   My whole heart agrees with his inspiring words, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness,” but I’m somewhat troubled by what he wrote to his nephew Peter Carr, in 1787; "Question with boldness even the existence of a god;” Dream Jefferson’s reply was pointedly simple; “Should I compel you to conform to my beliefs, or you to direct mine, when God himself leaves it to us to freely choose.”

Moving on, I asked a more practical question, “Do you realize what will happen to me if I honor your request?”  Some will praise me for kneeling during the anthem, but soundly criticize me for having the audacity to pray in public.  The extreme might even call for me to be thrown in a lion’s den or fiery furnace.  Others would condemn me as unpatriotic and demand I leave the country for kneeling, but still post my picture alongside Tim Tebow for displaying my faith.  Aside from criticism, there would be a more tangible cost for my action.   An arrest would likely result in the suspension of my security clearance and loss of my job.  Before deciding, I awoke to the smell of coffee, and the sound of my sweet wife singing Korean hymns and moving furniture.

Retreating from the upheaval of “Furniture Moving Day” with a steaming cup of coffee to a quiet room, I browsed Facebook until a post from a fine Air Force Captain eerily requesting “dialogue and *civil* discourse” on the very subject of my dream motivated me to exercise my constitutional right of free speech.

As a military veteran and current civil servant, I have voluntarily accepted restrictions on my liberties, not out of blind nationalism, but from a sincere belief in the ideals our country was founded on and the freedoms we currently enjoy.   I took an oath to defend those freedoms and pray for the courage to keep my promise.  When the national anthem plays, I silently stand with my hand over my heart and show due respect to our flag.   Conversely, I’m deeply offended when others exercising their freedom to dissent is deemed an affront to my service.  Every prayer uttered, speech freely given, or assembly peacefully gathered honors my service regardless of whether I agree with the content or not.  Our military mirrors society, with a wide range of beliefs and opinions, and to imply we always stand together is wrong.  No one has the right to hack my voice or the views of those I serve alongside.  These thoughts are not something I’ve just come up with this morning.  I’ve pondered them for many years.

Several decades ago, while attending a military leadership course, I was given an unwelcome debate assignment to defend flag burning.  Fortunately, I never had to stand before an unfriendly audience as another subject was selected for the in-class debate.  However, the basic premise of the argument I was going to make, “Opportunity Cost” still influences the beliefs I hold today.

Opportunity cost is an economics term that refers to the value of what you have to give up in order to choose something else.   To better explain the concept, take a few moments and make a list of everything important in your home.   If your house was on fire and you could only escape with the first item on your list, the opportunity cost of your choice is the loss of everything else. While my retirement flag holds significant sentimental value to me, I wouldn’t think twice about saving my dog over it.  A flag can easily be replaced.  Today I’m asking you to make another list, including the flag and national anthem.  In our virtual fire, you’ll be able to keep both the flag/anthem and everything listed above.  Everything below them will be lost forever.  While I’m still struggling with where to place family and self, this is my example list:

1.   Freedom of Religion
2.   Freedom of Speech
3.   Freedom of Assembly
4.   Democratic Elections
5.   Freedom of the Press
6.   Due Process
7.   Freedom from unreasonable searches and seizures
8.   2^nd Amendment Right to Bear Arms
9.   Separation of Powers between Executive, Legislative, Judicial branches
10.   25^th Amendment
11.   Family
12.   Life (Self)
13.   Liberty
14.   Pursuit of Happiness
15.   Property rights
16.   Flag
17.   Anthem
18.   Pledge of Allegiance
19.   18^th Amendment
20.   Possessions

The flag and anthem are merely symbols representing our priceless rights and values and in themselves have nominal value in comparison to what they truly epitomize.  It’s tremendously ironic that allowing our flag to be burned diminishes none of the freedoms it represents, while preventing its destruction (or obligating patriotism) weakens the very freedoms countless patriots have died to defend.   If compelled by unconstitutional law, intimidation, or force to honor men or idols, we should neither stand nor kneel.  We should turn our backs.

The Cow Tipping Challenge

https://modernfarmer.com/2013/09/cow-tipping-mh-oytr-bullcrap/

Every so often, I see something on the Internet irks me so much I’m compelled to respond. Several years ago, (I’ve never claimed to respond quickly) I read an article (link above) by a Mr. Jake Swearingen disputing “Cow Tipping,”  a hallmark activity of my youth.  Those of you who know my brother Gary, will surely consider the plausibility of his founder claim (or at least being one of the early pioneers). Having been right beside him in the early days, I can’t recall anyone ever accomplishing the feat before us.  For the Millennials among us, imagine reading an article 40 years from now asserting your generation never consumed a single Tide pod or even the existence of something as temptingly easy as planking.   I’m guessing you’ll be overjoyed about creating a permanent record of your accomplishments in the cloud and will quickly task your virtual assistant to research, draft, and post a pointed response.

There will always be those who question whether man ever really landed on the moon, whether the president was actually born in America, the certainty of the impending ice age, or one of the crowning achievements of my generation, "Cow Tipping."  Today, technology is making it harder on the deniers.  Those of us with an adequate amount of common sense will quickly accept the photo above as positive planking proof.  While I never accepted the Tide pod challenge, and probably wouldn’t admit it if I did, some might say, “Kelly must have only had powder or liquid in the house.”   I’d beg to disagree.   Unlike a small minority of our generation who’ve somehow beaten the odds and survived, I like to think I’ve matured and only still  participate in low risk events absent of physical discomfort.

I’d never consider encouraging the younger generation to emulate the truly foolish members of my generation, but the following video shows we still have a few who are still overcoming the odds and remain with us.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-XM-Gbj2dPw

While I can’t imagine any circumstance where slapping a bear on the butt is a good idea, tipping a cow under the tutelage of an experienced hand, while somewhat risky, will produce a memorable life experience.  However, I would recommend anyone undertaking a cow tipping adventure be able to distinguish the difference between a cow and a bull and it’s always a good idea to inform the rancher beforehand.

Getting back to my original purpose of proving Mr. Swearingen wrong, I believe it’s worthwhile to refute a few of his key points for the benefit of those who haven’t yet experienced a successful tip and may still be a little skeptical.    In his article, Mr. Swearingen asserts cow tipping never existed because there isn’t a documented record on social media.  My abbreviated response is “duh!”   In the 1970s, social media was rotary phones connected to land lines (often shared).  While video technology was in its infancy, the cameras were large, didn’t work well in the dark, and priced well above the means of the usual cow tipping participants. 

Mr. Swearingen also paints an unrealistic scenario and cherry picks variables designed to support his supposed scientific proof.  His claim that cows don’t sleep standing up doesn’t account for the presence of cactus.  Would you be willing to lay down on a cactus plant?  Additionally, a quick Google search will show the average weight of a Jersey cow is considerably less than a Holstein.  Correct me if I’m wrong Gary, but in all our attempts I don’t remember ever encountering a single Holstein.  Perhaps the most significant misassumption, is his physical calculations are based on level ground.  Anyone who’s ever been in eastern Colorado can’t deny the ever-present wind.  Cows naturally seek sleep on the back side of hills to escape it.  Approaching the cow from the opposite side of hill is key to accomplishing the difficult task of approaching the cow undetected. Moreover, factor in a 10-30 degree slope and the probability of a couple of enthusiastic youths succeeding exponentially improves.

I'm somewhat disappointed in recent developments to automate the tip (above).  I'm sure the success rate is much higher, but at the unfortunate expense of most of the intangible benefits. 

It’s truly a shame when a generation neglects to pass on its best to those who follow.  For those of my generation who’ve experienced the thrill and personal gratification of tipping a cow, I challenge you to enlist the support of several of our youth, instruct them in the proper strategy/technique, and document your success on social media.  While the doubters will likely cry fabrication, a new cohort of believers will be established.