To a military kid, your tenth birthday is a special event. It's the day you receive your dependent ID card and the privilege of going to the Exchange (retail store), Commissary (grocery store), and Movie Theater by yourself or with friends. However, on your 23rd birthday (assuming you're still in college), your last card expires and the free gym access (sorry Bob) you've enjoyed for all those years comes to an end.
The title of this blog wasn't made in jest. I truly respect the service and sacrifice given to our country by military dependents. America is blessed to have an all-volunteer military, but their families could easily be considered unofficial draftees. They leave behind their friends, schools, careers … to start a new life each time the orders come. With each deployment, spouses understand the challenges of single parents. Children face the disappointment of missed events and the anxiety of knowing someone they love is at the war being shown on TV. Sometimes the fear becomes reality. Which sacrifice is greater, a service member giving their life for your freedom or a child growing up without a parent? Fortunately, Bobby’s experiences were mainly positive and his problems were mostly learning to deal with adversity and mistakes. Both greatly influenced the fine man he’s become. Thanks for your service, Son.
One of Hyesuk’s most troubling days happened while I was gone. Almost immediately after she poured boiling water into a ramen, her eager child reached up to the counter to retrieve his favorite treat. In his failed attempt, all the scalding water came down on Bobby’s head and face. I can only imagine Hyesuk’s distress as she doused him in cold water, rushed to the emergency room, and tried to comfort her child’s agony over the following weeks. It’s a miracle Bobby wasn’t left with permanent scars (when I get back home next month, I’ll post a picture Hyesuk took the second week). After a couple of months, the damage wasn’t obviously noticeable. After he’d been in school a few years, all you could see was the burn’s outline when he was mad.
Unfortunately, parents aren’t exempt from the human condition. Everything doesn’t always work out like we expect and all of us make mistakes. We were leaving Fort Meade, Maryland for a tour in Misawa, Japan and thought leaving our Bobby and Laura with friends, while the movers were packing us out, would be a good idea. After the truck left with all our possession, we picked up the kids and stopped by our home for one last look around. The look on Bobby’s face became increasingly anguished as we walked through the empty house. When we got to his room, tears started rolling down his face. I remember him sitting on the floor, hands on his head, repeating over and over, “It’s gone, everything is gone.” We tried to console him, but none of our explanations could get through to a three-year-old. I don’t think he was alright until they unpacked us in Japan. Then, every box opened was like Christmas.
In contrast to the mistakes, I feel very good about the things we did right. When Bobby and Laura were little, I'd read them a story (I can still recite "Bears in the Night" from memory) before sending them off to bed. After they'd been tucked in by their Mom, I'd enter the darkened room and ask them, "Can I pray for you?" I don't know exactly when I stopped this bedtime ritual, but I think it was sometime after Laura started telling me, "Dad, it's MAY I pray for you!" One day I came home from work exhausted and ended up in bed before my children. Right before I drifted off to sleep, I felt a small hand on my shoulder and turned to see my little boy standing by my bed. He asked me, “Dad, can I pray for you?”
Over a nice relaxing breakfast in the hotel this morning, my wife Hyesuk and I spent some time talking about our plans for the day and reminiscing over our lives. Between sips of coffee, we recounted our family history and talked about our hopes for the future. She asked me to share one particular story. When Bobby was a toddler and Laura was a baby, we left them with their Grandma and went out for a night on the town. While we were gone, Laura started crying and wouldn’t stop. Grandma asked Bobby, “What should we do?” to which Bobby sheepishly replied, “Don’t ask me, I’m not in charge.” On this special day, Hyesuk wants Bobby to know this excuse is long gone. You are in charge of your life. Your Mom also wanted me to remind you how we always asked you to pray in the car before starting a long trip and that you actually aren’t in charge of your life (and none of us can figure out your Mom).
In addition to pointing out all my grammar and punctuation mistakes, my daughter has asked me, “Why do all your blogs end up being sermons?” A few months back, my son told me, “I like our family stories, they’re sort of like our own Aesop’s Fables.” I don’t intend to disappoint either of you today. Before the preacher took Bobby under the water at his baptism, he asked him, “Why do you want to be baptized?” Bobby replied simply, “I want to please God.” My own conversion experience followed a graphic description of Hell and I jumped at the opportunity to avoid it. A friend from our tour in Japan once shared with me how John 14:2 “In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you“ led him to salvation. After a wonderful description of Heaven, he decided he wanted to go there. Avoiding Hell and going to Heaven are both exceedingly good decisions, but the focus is still on self. What do I get? What do I get out of? Mark 1:11 explains why I’m certain Bobby hit the mark on that day. If you open the Bible (or better yet, don’t need to) the sermon worked.
Happy Birthday,
The End,
AMEN!
